i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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