Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
