How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
