Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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