What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
