im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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