the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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