Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize