how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
