My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
