This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
