dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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