I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
