i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
