I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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