Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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