I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
