what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
