Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
