i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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