I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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