We're like a lot better than the average bears
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
