Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
