paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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