in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
