so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
