This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
