i wish starbucks made bloody marys
cat food counts as protein by the way
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
