So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
