im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
