There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
