Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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