I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
