The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
