when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
