If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
