the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
