Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
