i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
