the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
