the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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