At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
