And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize