took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
