I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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