I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
