you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
