The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
