Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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