I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
