I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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