i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
