We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
