I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
