You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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