And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
