As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
