I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
