I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
