oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize