did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Farmville is her only friend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
