The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
