just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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