I accidentally burped into my bong.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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